Homestuck: Next session
by mmm donut seeds
Summary: AU? Jack Noir is dead and gone, but in the process both the humans and the trolls lost their new universe and are tired of living in the Veil. It's time to find a new session and help them create a universe.
1. Chapter 1

Death'sEyes [DE] began pestering CarcinoGeneticist [CG].

DE: You wouldn't know anything about Raito having sex hair this morning, would you?

CG: WHAT?

CG: WHAT IS THAT?

DE: ...

DE: Haha, very funny.

DE: But seriously. She's being super secretive and shit and I thought you might know what's going on.

CG: I ASSURE YOU THAT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

CG: WHO'S RAITO?

CG: AND WHAT'S SEX HAIR?

DE: You probably know her as TreasureLiberator [TL]

DE: And you can stop pretending not to know what sex hair is. I'm not buying it, and it's kind of annoying.

CG: YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

CG: CLEARLY I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, BUT THEN AGAIN

CG: I DON'T CARE.

CG: HOW DID YOU FIND ME, ANYWAY?

DE: You're even more of a jerk than I am.

DE: Which is saying something.

DE: And I'm not going to tell you until you stop pretending not to know what sex hair is.

DE: Even though it would be kind of obvious if you thought about it.

DE: How I found you, I mean.

DE: Why does Raito talk to you, anyway?

"Shihizuki, why are you talking to CarcinoGenteticist?"

"Would you _stop_ reading over my shoulder! It's annoying. And I'm allowed to talk to him/her if I want to, even though he/she's annoying dumbass."

CG: I'M TROLLING YOU. OF COURSE I'M ACTING LIKE A JERK.

CG: I'M TROLLING YOU SO HARD YOU PROBABLY CAN'T EVEN SEE STRAIGHT RIGHT NOW.

CG: I'LL GIVE YOU SOME TIME TO GET GLASSES.

DE: That doesn't even make sense. I'm the one that started the conversation.

DE: And even if you were trolling me, you're doing a horrible job of it.

DE: But it's ok. I'll give you some time to go take a class.

DE: But tell me about Raito's sex hair first, because it's obvious you know something. You're doing a shitty job of hiding it.

"Shihizuki, you should probably know something."

"What, Raito?"

"CarcinoGeneticist really doesn't know what you're talking about. The idea of sex is a foreign concept to him."

"You're kidding me."

"Nope, and now you get to explain it. Congratulations."

"Oh god."

CG: OF COURSE I KNOW SOMETHING, UNLKE YOU, WHO KNOWS NOTHING.

CG: I KNOW LOTS OF THINGS.

CG: MORE THINGS THAN YOUR MIND CAN COMPREHEND.

CG: JUST NOTHING ABOUT SEX HAIR.

CG: SO STOP PESTERING ME ABOUT IT.

"See? He/She just told me to stop pestering them about it."

"Explain it anyway, because otherwise he might ask me, and then I'm going to have to beat you."

DE: Consider the matter dropped.

DE: And don't mention it to Raito.

"Wait a minute, if they don't have sex, how do they reproduce?"

"Ask him, I am _not_ explaining it."

CG: WHY WOULD I?

CG: BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, NOW THAT YOU'VE TOLD ME NOT TO, WHY SHOULDN'T I?

DE: (Facepalms)

DE: Just don't, alright?

DE: You know what, just forget this whole conversation.

Death'sEyes [DE] stopped pestering CarcinoGeneticist [CG]

XXXXXXXXXX

BE SHIHIZUKI

Your name is SHIHIZUKI. You have no last name. You have BLACK HAIR WITH A RED STRIPE that sets you apart from your TWIN, who you HATE. You also have RED EYES that let you see A PERSON'S NAME JUST BY LOOKING AT THEIR FACE. They also let you see HOW LONG THEY HAVE TO LIVE. You live with one of your two best friends, HAKU, who looks like a GIRL. You enjoy TORMENTING YOUR TWIN and SCARING SMALL CHILDREN with your RED EYES. Even though both of your best friends get annoyed when you do that and often hit you.

You are currently at RAITO'S HOUSE, a place that you visit often. It's actually like a SECOND HOME to you.

Your screen name is Death'sEyes, in case you haven't noticed. You named it after your own eyes, because legend has it that the god of death has similar powers.

SHIHIZUKI: Equip NUNCHUCKS into strife specibus.

You would, but they aren't here, so you'll settle on taking food from Raito's refridgerator instead. You're in luck, she has CHOCOLATE CAKE, one of your favorites.

SHIHIZUKI: Sneak into Raito's room and make a mess.

You would rather continue living, thanks. She would surely kill you if she caught you in there.

Wait a minute, is that the doorbell you here?

SHIHIZUKI: Answer the door.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Shihizuki."

"Ren."

The twins glared at each other for a few minutes.

"What are you doing here?" Shihizuki asked.

"I came to drop this off," Ren said, waving a CD case. "It's for Raito. Make sure she gets it."

He dropped it on the kitchen counter which was mostly clear. Shihizuki got up to look at it, flipping it over.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Some game," Ren said dismissively. "It's supposed to let you move things around in real life, and we didn't want to test it at our place."

"Let me guess, Clare's idea?"

"Yeah. She said she found it somewhere, I don't remember where. Just make sure Raito gets it."

Ren left after that while Shihizuki contemplated what he should do. He _could_ give it to Raito, but he wasn't entirely certain that he wanted to do that. This had the potential to be too much fun, and Raito probably wouldn't be all that interested in it anyway.

So he put it in his pocket instead. He would install it right now, but his laptop was running our of power and he wasn't sure that it had enough energy to get through the whole thing. His charger wasn't here either, so he went home.

The house, apartment, looked like it always did. Bright, but not vibrant enough to cause a headache, colors in an open space. It was clean too, Haku had a thing for neatness. Shihizuki just went along with it, his own space was a complete mess. There were clothes all over the floor and his alarm clock was, once again, on the floor. He hated the damn thing.

Ignoring the rest of the mess, he went about finding the charger to his laptop. Compared to finding just about anything else in his room, this was easy. He just had to find the outlet and follow the cord. It was on his bed, twisted around the covers. Typical. He plugged in his laptop and began installing the CD.

It took him about five seconds of waiting for it to install before he got bored and opened a PesterChum window. Maybe Clare would be able to tell him more about the program. It was a good thing he knew how to hack into Raito's account.

TreasureLiberator [TL] began pestering KittenCaboodle [KC].

TL: Hey, Clare, I got the game you sent.

TL: What exactly does it do, again?

KC: I never sent you a game, I gave one to Ren and Yosuke, though.

KC: Wait a minute, they did give you two CDs, right?

TL: No, just one. Were they supposed to?

KC: Yeah... don't install that CD. Ren probably made sure you got the client one, and he probably installed it on his computer, so once it's done, he can control your environment.

TL: Oh shit. You're kidding, right?

KC: No. That's the only thing the instructions were clear on. The rest of it was really weird and didn't make any sense so I forgot it.

TL: Fuck.

TreasureLiberator [TL] ceased pestering KittenCaboodle [KC]

Shihizuki banged his head on his wall. He should have known that Ren was up to another one of his tricks, and it was too late to uninstall the program.

BE THE OTHER TWIN.

XXXXXXXXXX

Your name is REN ALIHAARI. You live in the desert, unlike your twin, who you HATE. You have a fondness for CACTI, particularly LADY'S FINGERS and PRICKLY PEAR. Your housemate is called YOSUKE and he is one of the few people that will tolerate your tendency to ANNOY PEOPLE. You like ORDER, even though your hair is rather MESSY. You also have a fondness for SWEET THINGS. Candy is one of the few things that will never fail to SHUT YOU UP even though you tend to be rather QUIET. You also secretly care about your twin, and you SUSPECT THAT HE DOES THE SAME. Even if neither of you would ever admit it.

REN: Hug a cactus.

You think the idea is ridiculous and that whoever told you to do that is a sadistic freak. There is no way in hell you would do something so stupid.

REN: Be taught a lesson by the author.

You hug the cactus because the author tells you to. What's more, you _enjoy it_.

REN: Equip pet rattlesnake. Wait, what?

Yes, you have a pet rattlesnake that obeys your every command. Most of the time. You would equip it, but you're in too much pain from hugging the cactus.

REN: Seek medical attention from Yosuke, then equip the rattlesnake.

You think this makes a little more sense.

XXXXXXXXXX

Yosuke didn't even question why Ren was covered in cactus needles when he saw him come down the stairs. He merely helped him remove them, something that Ren appreciated, though he didn't say so. He did, however, thank the brunette when they were done. After that, for fear of the wrath of the voice inside of his head, he equipped the rattlesnake that was named Maraca. Since he was doing weird things for no reason, he picked up a cactus as well. It was a cholla (pronounced kind of like Joya, only with a ch instead of a j), something that he most certainly didn't want to get poked with, so he put it in his Sylladex. The thing was arranged to put the thing that he liked most in the front and the the only thing that he ever used it for was transporting cacti for prolonged periods of time.

He wasn't quite sure where he was taking the jumping cactus, but he got the feeling that it could come in handy. It was almost like a backup plan in case Maraca wasn't feeling like listening.

Once that was done, he decided to check and see if Shihizuki had fallen for his bait yet. He knew that his twin would never be able to resist installing the CD on his own computer, which was exactly why he had said that it was for Raito. When he launched the program, he saw that his plan had worked perfectly.

Shihizuki probably didn't even know what hit him when Ren picked up one end of the bed to dump his brother onto the floor. It was absolutely hilarious, and Ren thought that there couldn't possibly had been a better game designed than this. Except Shihizuki looked angry, instead of confused. In fact, he flipped Ren off, making Ren the confused one. It was almost like the jig was already up when he hadn't even started.

Death'sEyes [DE] began pestering NormalTwin [NT]

DE: Stop it, Ren. I know it's you.

NT: I don't know what you're talking about.

DE: Yes, you do, and we both know it.

DE: I talked to Clare, she explained everything, so stop being an annoying douche bag.

Well that wasn't any fun. Ren would have to talk to her about interfering later.

NT: That hurts, Shihizuki.

DE: (Rolls eyes) I'm sure it does.

Death'sEyes [DE] stopped pestering NormalTwin [NT]

Well that wasn't as fun as Ren thought it would be. Of course, that didn't mean that installing the program was entirely useless. Shihizuki had to sleep sometime, after all. In the meantime, he could explore the system. There was no telling what kind of fun things he could use to further annoy his twin.

NormalTwin [NT] began pestering Death'sEyes [DE]

NT: Move to your left.

DE: No. Absolutely not. I'm not falling for another one of your tricks.

Well, Ren warned him. He picked up a chair, even though he wasn't sure why Shihizuki had a chair in his room other than to gather crap. It wasn't like he had a desk or anything, but whatever.

DE: SERIOUSLY! Dude, have some respect! And don't even think about...

It was too late. With a grin on his face, Ren used the chair to nudge his brother out of the way. He wanted to know what these weird machines did, and there was no room for them otherwise.

DE: Fuck you, Ren. You are _so_ going to get it when I see you again! And what the hell is that thing!

NT: I told you to move.

DE: That doesn't mean that you can do whatever the hell you want with my room, now get out!

NT: Technically I'm not in your room.

Shihizuki scowled while Ren tried to figure out how best to fit all of this stuff in Shihizuki's room. He didn't need a bed, did he?

DE: Watch your back, Ren, because I'm coming over there.

Ok, that was bad. Every single time they wound up in a fight at Ren and Yosuke's house, both of them wound up covered in cactus needles. Every time. Without fail. And Ren was still a little sore from having to hug that cactus earlier, he was not in any mood to get into it with Shihizuki.

He moved the shiny thingamajig in front of the door to buy himself some time to come up with a plan.

DE: You think that's going to stop me? Cute.

On the screen, Shihizuki yelled something, and shortly the door was opened by Haku. Ren pulled at his hair, that wasn't good, especially when Shihizuki started climbed around the shiny thing, handing Haku the computer first.

NT: Haku, you have to make sure that Shihizuki won't kill me.

DE: I'll do what I can.

NT: Thanks.

Haku was the only person who could get Ren and Shihizuki to leave each other alone without threatening violence, the boy seemed to have an infinite amount of patience. Really, they were lucky to have him as a friend.

XXXXXXXXXX

BE THE NICE ONE.

You're not sure if you can pull that off, but you'll try.

You're name is HAKU SHIMO. You like COLD WEATHER and are immune to FREEZING TEMPERATURES because you are part SNOW DEMON. Sometimes you think this has something to do with your love of ICE SCULPTING. You abhor VIOLENCE though you can throw a punch if you need to. You live with Shihizuki, even though Raito is your ADOPTIVE SISTER and BEST FRIEND. Seriously, you would do anything for that girl. You are also EXTREMELY PATIENT, no matter what, and you are also EXTREMELY TOLERANT. Lesser men have died trying to reach your level of calm. You give ice a run for its money, that's how chill you are. Your screen name is GlacialFrost [GF].

HAKU: Lose your cool and hit Shihizuki for being an idiot.

You're sorry, but that's a physical impossibility. Losing your cool just isn't an option.

HAKU: Equip ice pick to strife specibus.

You're not sure what a strife specibus is, and you find it kind of pointless to equip a weapon anyway. If you need one, you simply summon some ice.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Ren says you want to kill him, and what is that?"

"Heck if I know," Shihizuki replied. "But it's in the way. I'm going to go tell him to move it."

"Ren put that there?"

"Yeah, apparently he gets to mess with my environment," Shihizuki grumbled. "Clare gave him some kind of weird software. Can I have my laptop back now?"

Haku gave him the laptop and examined the thingy, I mean, cruxtruder. It looked like something that you would see at a nuclear power plant, a square base with another square with rounded edges on top of that, and some kind of tube on the very top. It even had a wheel on it, much like the sort you would see on the hatch to a submarine."Ask Ren what would happen if we turned the wheel thing."

"He says he doesn't know and that we should try it."

Haku nodded. "We can do that after I get back from spelunking with Raito. She found some new caves the other day and I made her promise not to explore them alone."

"You do that, I'll see what's in this thing," Shihizuki said.

"Alright, let me know how it goes."

Haku walked off, leaving Shihizuki to figure out what exactly the thing was for. After a few seconds, he decided that the best way to find out would be to turn the wheel. When he did, some kind of glowy sphere came out. It hovered in the air.

NT: You should totally touch it.

DE: I'm not an idiot, of course I'm not going to touch it.

It turned out that the thing didn't need to be touched. It gave a bright flash of light, forcing Shihizuki to close his eyes. When he opened them again he had to blink away spots, but the sphere was no longer a sphere. Instead, it looked like a circle with a face he had never seen before on it.

Shihizuki stared.

NT: Shihizuki, what's going on? What is that thing?

DE: I wouldn't know. This is your stupid game.

NT: I'm not the one that's already there.

He had a point. Shihizuki tried to touch it, but whatever it was, it just back out of reach.

DE: I still know as much as you do.

NT: Well maybe something else will explain it. Stay in the hall, I'm going to try editing your room. There's enough room for this stuff otherwise.

After Ren filled the room with what looked like a whole bunch of useless machines and both pushed everything of Shihizuki's to the side and expanded the room, there was a loud crash and the apartment shook. Shihizuki picked up the laptop and climbed over the cruxtruder to see what was going on.

DE: Ren, what have you done?

NT: What are you talking about?

DE: Why are there a whole bunch of meteors heading for my house?

NT: Um.

NT: I wouldn't know.

NT: But if your house burns down, you and Haku could always live with Sasuke. He should have space.

DE: You're a prick. I'm going to try and fix this mess, so leave me alone for a while.

Death'sEyes [DE] has stopped pestering NormalTwin [NT]

By fixing the mess, Shihizuki meant that he was going to get all of the important things out of the house. There wasn't much to do against meteors, after all.

CarcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling Death'sEyes [DE]

CG: DON'T LEAVE THE HOUSE.

DE: It's going to be destroyed.

DE: And how did you know that's what I was going to do, anyway?

CG: SOLLUX TOLD ME.

CG: BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

CG: THE POINT IS YOU HAVE TO CREATE A CRUXITE DOWEL WITH THE CRUXTRUDER.

CG: DO IT.

DE: Even if I knew what a cruxtruder was, I have no idea how to use it, and I doubt it's going to save my house.

DE: And I like living, thanks.

CG: YOU'RE A STUPID HUMAN, SO YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND. JUST DO IT OR YOUR WHOLE PLANET WILL DIE.

DE: Fine, I'll create a fucking cruxite dowel.

DE: But if I die, I'm sending Haku after your ass.

DE: And it won't be pleasant.

DE: Now what does the cruxtruder look like?

CG: YOU CAN SEND WHOEVER YOU WANT, YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM.

CG: AND IT'S THE THING WITH THE TUBE ON THE TOP.

DE: Alright, I've got the dowel thing.

DE: Now what?

CG: THERE SHOULD BE A CARD SOMEWHERE.

CG: IF NOT, HAVE, UH, REN DEPLOY IT.

CG: AFTER THAT, YOU NEED TO PUT IT IN THE TOTEM LATHE, AS WELL AS THE DOWEL.

CG: JEEZ YOU HUMANS ARE USELESS.

DE: Forgive me, oh great wise one, for never having done this before.

CG: YOU'RE, UH, FORGIVEN. JUST PUT THE DOWEL IN THE LATHE ALREADY.

DE: That was sarcasm, retard.

DE: Now tell me what the lathe looks like.

CG: I DON'T HAVE TO HELP YOU, YOU KNOW.

CG: IN FACT, I DON'T THINK I WILL.

CG: I'M DONE HELPING YOU.

CG: YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.

CarcinoGeneticist [CG] stopped trolling Death'sEyes [DE].

Death'sEyes [DE] began pestering NormalTwin [NT].

DE: Ren, what does the totem lathe look like?

DE: Raito's friend said that I needed to do something with it and this weird blue thing and this card.

NT: It's the one that looks like a giant sewing machine.

NT: I was wondering what you were doing.

DE: Ok, well, now I've got a differently shaped lathe.

DE: Any ideas about what I should do now?

NT: Yeah.

NT: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE BEFORE THE METEORS HIT!

NT: I thought that one would be obvious.

DE: I was going to, but CarcinoGeneticist told me that the world was going to end if I did.

DE: In hindsight, it might not have been the best idea to listen.

NT: You think so?

NT: Now get your ass out of the house before I have to come down there and rescue you.

DE: You really do care!

NT: Oh shut up. I just don't want Raito and Haku to kill me if you wind up dead.

DE: Riiiight.

DE: Anyway, I've already started with this thing, so I might as well finish it.

DE: There's only one machine thingy left anyway, so I don't think it's going to take too long.

DE: Try not to get your panties in a bunch.

DE: There, I made... something.

NT: It kind of looks like a microphone.

DE: Oh god.

NT: What?

DE: I _hate_ microphones.

DE: SO MUCH!

NT: Don't... destroy it.

NT: Goddamn it, Shihizuki.

NT: You idiot.

DE: Uh, Ren?

NT: What? You about to be struck down by meteors?

NT: Because it's too late for me to come and save you now.

NT: Dumbass.

DE: No. I think that it actually got rid of the meteors.

DE: But I have no idea where I am now, either.

DE: Any ideas?

NT: Holy fuck. I've got no idea.

DE: Try asking CarcinoGeneticist for me, yeah?

DE: I don't think he would talk to me. I might have offended him.

NT: Surprise, surprise. Way to go, Shihizuki. Offend the only person who knows what's going on. Good idea.

DE: Ren.

NT: Fine, I'll try talking to him.

NormalTwin [NT] has stopped pestering Death'sEyes [DE].

NormalTwin [NT] has started pestering CarcinoGeneticist [CG].

NT: Hey, would you happen to know what happened to Shihizuki?

NT: Because he's somewhere else now, and we're not sure where, and you seem to be the only person who kows what's going on.

CG: READ THE FUCKING FAQ YOU MORON.

CG: IS IT REALLY THAT DIFFICULT FOR YOU?

CG: OR AM I GOING TO HAVE TO HOLD YOUR HAND THROUGH THAT, TOO?

NT: God, you are a bitch.

NT: What crawled up your ass and died?

NT: Wait, never mind, I really don't care. Don't tell me.

NT: What's the website with the FAQ?

CG: I DON'T SEE WHY I SHOULD TELL YOU NOW.

CG: SINCE YOU JUST INSULTED ME AND EVERYTHING.

NT: For whatever reason you were helping Shihizuki earlier.

NT: And you were asking for it the way you were being a total jerk.

NT: But if you want an apology, I'm sorry.

CG: YOU'RE NOT BEING SARCASTIC, ARE YOU?

NT: No, actually.

NT: So you should probably be reveling in the fact that I just apologized to you just now.

NT: That never happens.

NT: Unless I accidentally do something to Haku.

NT: But it's Haku.

NT: You can't not apologize.

NT: You'll probably be smited (smote?) with lightening. That's just the way it is.

CG: LOOK AT ME NOT CARING.

CG: ANYWAY, SINCE I DON'T HAVE TIME TO WALK YOU THROUGH EVERYTHING LIKE YOU PROBABLY NEED ME TO, HERE'S THE LINK. [LINK]

CarcinoGeneticist [CG] has ceased trolling NormalTwin [NT]

NormalTwin [NT] has begun pestering Death'sEyes [DE].

NT: It turns out there's an FAQ that no one bothered to tell us about. You're going to have to give a me a second to read through it real quick.

DE: You remember the glowy thing?

DE: Yeah, it's different now. It can talk, and it's supposed to be helping me.

DE: It's actually been helping me my whole life, but I wasn't able to see it until now.

DE: It says it was sent here by the god of death because he gave me the eyes and it was supposed to keep things from trying to steal them.

DE: It's kind of weird, but by this point, I don't think that I can be surprised by anything. And it kind of makes sense.

DE: Especially since the rumors of the death god's eyes being like mine are true.

NT: Weird, but kind of cool.

NT: Did it say anything else?

DE: Yeah.

DE: Something about a place called Skaia that we're supposed to save.

DE: But that comes later, apparently. Let me know if you find out anything interesting from the FAQ

Death'sEyes [DE] has stopped pestering NormalTwin [NT]

Shihizuki closed his laptop and stowed it in his sylladex, which he was still getting the hang of using. Hopefully he could go back to using his pockets again soon, but for some reason he doubted it. At least he had a relatively simple way of organizing things, first in, first out. He'd just have to eat his chocolate cake before he was able to get to the laptop.

His thoughts were disrupted by a scratching noise at the door. It sounded rather like there was a cat that wanted in, which was weird, because they didn't have any cats.

"That's probably an imp," Rheye supplied. "They're going to be trying to attack you from now on."

"Wonderful."

Shihizuki looked around his room for something to use, when he spotted his golf club. It had been, up until this point, pretty much useless because he didn't play golf, but he had received it as a present at one point. He picked it up.

"I thought your weapon of choice was nunchucks."

"When I said that I didn't think I would ever have to actually fight anything," he replied. The golf club felt familiar in his hand, he had used it to beat up burglars once.

"Whatever floats your boat, just don't die."

Shihizuki gripped the handle tightly while he opened the door. The imp, which had peacock feathers sprouting from its head kind of like a quail's and a tiny peacock tail lunged into the room, making chattering noises with its sharp teeth. It looked around for a minute before Shihizuki hit it with the golf club, making it explode into a few blue somethings that looked like fruit gushers.

"What the heck are those things?" he asked, poking one with the golf club. It didn't react.

"They're called build grist, you should probably pick them up," Rheye said helpfully. He was lounging on Shihizuki's bed.

The weird things disappeared as soon as Shihizuki picked them up off the floor, which made them seem kind of useless, but Shihizuki assumed the sprite knew what he was doing. Even if he did kind of look like a peacock. He had the head feather bobby things and everything, kind of like the imp's.

"You should also do the chicken dance. Right now."

"I don't know what's going on, I'm not an idiot," Shihizuki told him, shooting the sprite a glare.

"Whatever you say."

"I'm going to clear out the rest of the house, now, if there's nothing else useful I should be doing."

"You could use some leveling up anyway."

The apartment wasn't that large, so it only took Shihizuki about an hour to clear it out, though imps were still getting in. He didn't really mind, killing imps was kind of fun.

NormalTwin [NT] has begun pestering Death'sEyes [DE]

NT: Shihizuki, I finished reading the FAQ.

NT: It wasn't actually that long, but you looked like you were having fun, so I went and got some lunch.

NT: It was delicious.

NT: Anyway, I learned some thing

NT: Namely that we need to get more people to play.

NT: I'll deploy the punch designex and send you code for the CD that I have. After you make the CD, install it on your computer and we'll figure out how to get a copy of your CD to someone else.

DE: Why is this necessary?

NT: Because apparently we need to complete some kind of chain. At least, that's what the FAQ says.

NT: The code is 12 47 44 49 55 12 13.

DE: Alright, I punched in code to the new machine thingy, but there's no CD.

NT: You have to put one of your sylladex cards in. The machine will punch the code into it, and then you stick it in the machine with the round platform thingy. Also known as an alchemizer.

NT: Then the CD should appear.

DE: Got it.

DE: And you want me to install this to my computer?

NT: Yes.

NT: Now just hang tight until I find a way to get a copy of your CD here.

NormalTwin [NT] has stopped pestering Death'sEyes [DE].

NormalTwin [NT] has started pestering KittenCaboodle [KC].

NT: Clare, you wouldn't happen to have another copy of those CDs, would you?

KC: No, actually, I don't.

KC: Why?

KC: You already tricked Shihizuki into installing the CD already.

KC: Let me guess, you want to be able to mess with someone else and Shihizuki won't give you the CD back?

NT: No, actually.

NT: It's kind of complicated, but, uh, man, this is going to sound so campy...

KC: What?

NT: We need it to save the world.

KC: That wasn't really that funny, Ren. If you're going to try and make me believe something ridiculous, at least pick something that doesn't sound like it came out of some horribly written novel.

KC: I'm kind of insulted.

NT: Yeah, I wasn't expecting you to believe it.

NT: I'm not so sure that I believe it either, but this whole thing is kind of unbelievable.

NormalTwin [NT] has stopped pestering KittenCaboodle [KC].

Ren tapped his fingers on the laptop, trying to figure out how he was going to get Shihizuki out of this mess. It wasn't like he could just leave his twin, especially if the world would possibly end. Like he had told Clare, he wasn't sure how much he believed that, but meteors had already rained down from the sky, so he wasn't about to take his chances.

Not that it looked like he really had a choice.

Yosuke was good with computers, maybe he would be able to come up with something.

"Yosuke, is it possible to send the programming from a CD from one computer to another without actually moving the CD?"

"Why?" Yosuke looked skeptically curious. Ren could work with that, but it was probably going to be a while. He made himself comfortable against the door frame of Yosuke's room.

"I need a copy of a CD I gave Shihizuki, but he, uh, can't come here and give it to me."

"Then go over there."

"I can't."

Yosuke's raised an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"Because he's, um... how do I explain this? His house isn't there anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

Ren rubbed the back of his neck. "It may have been transported to places unknown."

"Yeah right."

"I'm serious, you can go check. It's not there anymore. But that's not the point, I need you to walk Shihizuki through getting the data off of his CD so we can put it on an empty one here. Please, Yosuke."

"Alright, but you owe me for this one."

"Just make sure not to actually run the program."

"What is the program, anyway?"

"It's called Sburb, and it's some kind of real life altering game. It's pure evil."

"Then why do you need another copy?"

"It's, uh, kind of complicated, but we need to complete the circle otherwise I think Shihizuki might be stuck."

"Ok, well, here's a copy of it. And if you need anything else..."

"I'll let you know."

Ren took the CD and labeled it with a sharpie. Now he just needed to find someone who would be willing to install it... Ok, maybe willing wasn't the right word. He was probably going to have to trick someone into installing it, since most people wouldn't be willing to install the file if they knew what Ren knew. Hence the reason he wasn't having Yosuke install it. Sasuke would never install anything that Ren gave him. He would probably think it was some sort of virus. Raito might be willing to give it a try, though. She was crazy enough to think that this could possibly be fun, but she was busy at the moment, and so was Haku, who would do it because Shihizuki was his friend.

It looked like they were going to have to wait until Raito and Haku got back from spelunking.

In the mean time, they might as well experiment with the alchemizer.

XXXXXXXXXX

THIS IS BORING. BE SOMEONE MORE INTERESTING.

Your name is RAITO SHIMO. You are HAKU SHIMO's adoptive sister. You are currently in a cave full of SHINY TREASURE, which you always enjoy. You enjoy it almost as much as you enjoy the ADVENTURE that you had to go through to get there. You will do ALMOST ANYTHING to go on another adventure, which you find EXITING. The treasure is just the ICING ON THE CAKE. You are currently with your BEST FRIEND, HAKU. He is your faithful sidekick who you care for deeply. You don't know what you would do without him. Your screen name is TreasureLiberator.

RAITO: Crawl around like a spider and toss treasure into the deep looking pool.

You don't much see the point in that and it might be fun to go after the treasure, but that would awake the demon that protects the treasure and you'd have to dive after it.

On second thought, you do it. You cling to the rock kind of like a spider before picking up some treasure and dropping it into the pool. Haku looks neither surprised nor annoyed, he knew you would do something like this. He knows that you don't come here for the treasure, you come for the adventure and fighting a demon is certainly adventurous.

RAITO: Fight the demon.

The demon gives a growl that makes the entire cave shake before emerging from the depths of the pool. It's massive and shaped like a snake with fish fins on either side of its giant head. It stares right at you with pure black eyes before striking, and you barely get out of the way in time. Those fangs, which glisten with saliva and possibly venom, would have easily gone right through your body. It hisses, displaying rows and rows of teeth, and you grin.

You pull your weapon of choice off your back, it's a giant, magic sword that rather resembles a giant butcher's knife, and leap right at the demon. It moves out of the way so you only clip one of the frills, but you still get spattered with black blood.

Gross.

Normally you would rely on the water in the pool to wash it off, but you're not stupid enough to fight a water demon in its own pool and Haku's not going to let you anyway. He turns the surface of the pool to ice, immobilizng the water demon. It gives out a snarl of rage and strikes at you. You roll out of the way again and use your sword to slice its head off.

RAITO: Collect your treasure.

You wait a minute to catch your breath and make sure that you weren't cut by the demon's fangs. You weren't, so you use your sword to cut a hole in the ice and dive in.

It's cold, this pool might be deeper than you thought. But that doesn't matter, on one of your raids you got an amulet that makes it so you don't have to breathe. It's really useful in times like these.

What isn't useful is that you don't have night vision, so even if you reached the bottom of the pool, you wouldn't be able to find the treasure. That really sucks, but you have no choice but to return to the surface where Haku has already gathered up all of the treasure in his sylladex.

XXXXXXXXXX

"What's that?"

Haku's holding two CD cases which he's examining while Raito tried to wring as much water out of her clothes as possible.

"I'm not sure, they're not labeled, but I think we should take them with us anyway. Just to see what's on them, but my sylladex is full."

"I'll put them in mine, then."

Raito organized her sylladex so that the cards corresponded with her pockets. It was really efficient, even though she now had to wear cargo pants so she could utilize all of her cards.

"We should stop by my apartment before we drop off all of this treasure, Ren and Shihizuki were experimenting with this program before I had to leave."

"Sounds like fun."

And it might have fun, if there was an apartment to get back to. Instead, there was just empty space and some burnt spots where there were rocks. There weren't any where the apartment was, though. The spot was just barren, not even grass was growing on the ground, but then, it couldn't have been expected to.

Haku blinked at the spot disbelievingly and then pulled his laptop out of his sylladex. It was programmed to arrange things alphabetically.

GlacialFrost [GF] has started pestering Death'sEyes [DE].

GF: Shihizuki, what happened to our house?

DE: You remember that software I was telling you about? The one that Ren used to put the machine thingy in front of my door?

DE: Well it turns out that if you open the machine thingy, meteors start attacking your house.

DE: I'm guessing that you're standing in front of where our house was, so you can probably see the burnt spots with rocks in them.

DE: Anyway, I had to use some other devices to transport our house to some other place.

DE: I'm not really sure where I am right now.

GF: Can you get back? Or are you stuck?

DE: Ren said something about having to complete a circle, and he hasn't told me how to get back yet, so I think I'm stuck.

DE: But I'm not sure if that's a bad thing.

DE: I mean, I think I might be where I'm supposed to be right now.

DE: Because I was talking to Raito's friend, CarcinoGeneticist, and he/she said that we have to save the world.

DE: That is, assuming that you two want to get involved.

GF: Raito says that she wants to, and I'm not about to just ditch you, so yeah, we're in.

GF: What do we do?

DE: You should probably talk to Ren. He should have a copy of the software that you need to install.

Death'sEyes [DE] has stopped pestering GlacialFrost [GF]

GlacialFrost [GF] has begun pestering NormalTwin [NT].

GF: Ren, Shihizuki says that you have the software Raito and I need to help him.

NT: Are you sure you want to get involved in this?

NT: Because I'm not going to lie, this is Serious Business.

NT: And I'm not even using it in the joking connotation that I usually do.

GF: I appreciate your concern, but I think we can handle it.

GF: Besides, what kind of friend would I be if I didn't at least try to help you out?

NT: Ok, I'll have Yosuke send you the first program.

NT: I'll send you the second one once you get to wherever Shihizuki is.

NT: But I should explain some things to you first.

NT: The first thing that we're going to put in is called a cruxtruder.

NT: Apparently, there's a timer on it that starts counting down until a really large meteor hits wherever you are. Don't worry about it, you should be out of there before it finishes.

NT: The second thing that we're going to put down is called a totem lathe. You'll need to open the cruxtruder, which will give you a sprite thing and a cylinder thing that will be blue. The cylinder thing is called a cruxite totem.

NT: You're going to put it on the totem lathe, along with a card with holes in it that we will also give you.

NT: The totem lathe should carve the totem, which you'll put on the last machine that we'll give you. It's called an alchemizer.

NT: The alchemizer will give you some kind of item. We're not sure what it is yet, but it should transport you away from the meteors.

NT: And by we, I mean Shihizuki. I'm going to give him this same set of instructions so there will be no discrepancy about what you're supposed to do.

NT: Are you sure that you want to do this?

GF: I'm not going to turn my back on a friend, and neither is Raito.

NT: Alright, then Yosuke just sent the program. We'll send Raito the program too, because I think you have to do it separately.

NT: Good luck.

NormalTwin [NT] has stopped pestering GlacialFrost [GF].

"Who knew that Ren could be so serious?" Raito asked.

"I think it's because Shihizuki might be in danger," Haku told her. "I mean, imagine what you would do if something happened to me, or vice versa."

"You have a point. I wish we didn't have to do this separately. What if we get separated for some reason?"

"I'm sure we'll both be fine," Haku reassured her with a bright smile. "But you should probably get your laptop and download the program yourself. I mean, it's one thing to be separated in general, it's another to be separated without being able to communicate with each other."

Raito nodded. "I'll pester you or whatever as soon as I get there."

LighteningNinja [LN] has begun pestering TreasureLiberator [TL]

LN: Hey Raito, are you busy?

TL: Yeah, what's up?

LN: Nothing much, just wondering if you wanted to spar.

TL: Oh. Um, I would, but... I have to retrieve Shihizuki. It's kind of important, and I don't know when I'll be back.

LN: I've got nothing better to do, so I'll come with. When are you leaving?

TL: I'm not sure, but hopefully soon.

TL: I don't know if I'll ever be able to come back, though.

LN: Why not?

TL: Well, I'm not exactly sure where I'm going. Clare sent Ren some software that he gave to Shihizuki, and long story short, Shihizuki disappeared along with his and Haku's apartment.

TL: Still want to come?

LN: It's not like I'm doing anything important here, anyway.

TL: I'll have Yosuke send you the software, then. Ren will explain what's going on, he knows more about it than I do.

TreasureLiberator [TL] has stopped pestering LighteningNinja [LN].

TreasureLiberator [TL] has begun pestering DesertedTechnology [DT]

TL: Hey, do you think it would be ok if Sasuke went with Haku and I?

DT: I'm not sure. I could always send him the software, but Ren's the one in charge of this one. You should talk to him.

TL: Thanks, and I will.

TreasureLiberator [TL] has stopped pestering DesertedTechnology [DT]

TreasureLiberator [TL] has started pestering NormalTwin [NT]

TL: Ren, Sasuke's going to join us, that cool?

NT: Why? He doesn't even like Shihizuki. In fact, they're like, enemies or something.

TL: This is the one time I'm going ask, but, please Ren? I know you don't like him very much, but he's kind of...uh...I mean...

NT: Yes?

TL: You know what I mean.

NT: Of course I do.

NT: I just want to hear/read you said it.

NT: You know, for blackmail purposes.

TL: He's important to me.

NT: Hm, I don't know...

TL: Don't make me come over there and knock you into three weeks from now.

TL: Because believe me, I will.

TL: It'll be the worst beating you've ever taken, and I mean it.

NT: Alright, he can come, I guess.

NT: Just make sure he knows that I'm the one in charge of this whole thing.

TL: ((Raises eyebrow))

NT: I'm serious!

NT: Unless you want to figure out how to get there yourself?

TL: Alright, I guess you have a point.

NT: Damn right I do.

TL: But don't push it. I still reserve the right to punch you.

TreasureLiberator [TL] has stopped pestering NormalTwin [NT].

Ren was actually surprised that no one had challenged his authority yet. It was kind of nice, being in charge of all of this, even if it was a lot of work. He had to stay on top of all this, but so far it wasn't too much. Being able to monitor who got sent which CD when definitely helped.

Death'sEyes [DE] has started pestering NormalTwin [NT].

DE: Just thought you should know you have to break whatever gets made with the prepunched card.

NT: Then I take it Haku is there and all in one piece?

DE: No, not exactly. I mean, he's all in one piece, but he's not with me. He's somewhere else, but he appears to be fine, and I'm using some of the build grist to make him a house.

DE: Maybe I should have warned him about the imps.

NT: Imps?

DE: Yeah, they attack you, but they're not really a big deal. It's kind of easy to get rid of them. They're mostly just annoying.

DE: And Rheye says that there's a gate that I'm supposed to get to. I think I can see it, but there's no way I can get to it right now. It's in the sky, and Haku says there's one like it where he is.

DE: Should I start building his house up so he can get to it, or should I wait?

DE: By the way, the only reason I'm asking is because you appear to know what's going on. Not because I like it, or anything.

NT: I figured.

NT: But as for building Haku's house up to that gate, you might want to wait until you give him some kind of equipment, or whatever.

NT: The FAQ said that you can make a whole bunch of stuff with the alchemizer.

NT: You did read the FAQ, didn't you?

DE: No, I never got the link. You should probably send it to everybody.

DE: Who is everybody, anyway? I mean, I know that Raito and Haku are going to want to get involved...

NT: Here's the link [Link].

NT: And so far it's me, you, Yosuke, Raito, Haku, and Sasuke.

NT: I think there might be someone else, though.

DE: Sasuke?

NT: Yeah, I don't know either. Probably didn't want to lose the only girl who wasn't in love with him for his looks or was his sister.

NT: At least, I don't think Raito's in love with him because of the way he looks.

DE: Who knows, Raito's weird.

DE: Anyway, keep me updated if anything happens.

NT: Yosuke said there might be a way to post something that all of you can see at once without me having to type it a hundred times, so I'll probably use that if it works.

NT: I'll talk to you later.

Death'sEyes [DE] has stopped pestering NormalTwin [NT].

NormalTwin [NT] has opened a new memo entitled IMPORTANT!

NT: Hopefully, all of you will view this so we won't have to worry about someone missing some important piece of information.

NT: If not, well, hopefully you'll figure it out.

NT: Anyway, Raito's friend (who seems to know what he/she's doing with this game) sent a link to this FAQ which so far seems to be pretty legit. I recommend that you all check it out so there's not as much confusion as there could be.

NT: Also, I was made aware that there is probably a gate somewhere, most likely in the sky. Haku's checking his out right now, and I'll update with the results as soon as I get them.

NT: I almost forgot, for those of you who don't know (i.e. Sasuke) the game is set up so each person has one client and one server. I've taken the liberty of organizing who does what, and here it is:

NT: Ren-Shihizuki-Haku-Raito-Sasuke-Yosuke-?-Ren

NT: For clarification purposes, I direct Shihizuki's enviroment, he directs Haku's, etc.

NT: Also, anything before Shihizuki directing Haku is nonnegotiable as it's already been set up.

TL: I've just started installing the first program, so I'm not sure how that affects anything...

NT: Correction, everything before Haku directing Raito is nonnegotiable.

NT: If anyone has any problems, contact me.

NormalTwin [NT] has stopped responding to this memo.

CarcinoGeneticist has begun trolling TreasureLiberator.

CG: WELL AREN'T WE BEING ALL ORGANIZED?

TL: I'm kind of busy at the moment, is there something in particular you want?

CG: ARE YOU MAD BECAUSE I HAVEN'T TALKED TO YOU IN A WHILE?

CG: BECAUSE I HAVE STUFF TO DO TOO, YOU KNOW.

CG: SO DAMN JEALOUS OF MY ATTENTION.

TL: Yeah right. You have nothing better to do, and we both know it.

TL: But seriously, I'm busy right now. You may not realize it, but it's kind of difficult to type and fight off fucking imps at the same time, and this is MY HOUSE!

TL: This is not tolerable in the slightest.

TL: So forgive me if I have to ignore you for a while, I have to teach these imps a motherfucking lesson on what it means to be on my property without fucking permission.

TreasureLiberator [TL] has stopped pestering CarcinoGeneticist [CG].

TreasureLiberator [TL] has begun pestering GlacialFrost [GF]

TL: What's going on up there?

TL: You ok?

GF: I'm fine. Just taking this place in. It's wonderful, Raito. So peaceful.

TL: Yeah?

GF: Yeah, no imps or anything. Just snow and waves.

TL: Sounds cold.

GF: It's nice. I like it.

GF: Do you think your gate leads here?

TL: Only one way to find out.

GF: Hopefully it does. Keep looking for it, I'd like for us to do this together if that's possible.

TL: Ok, I guess I'll talk to you later, then.

TreasureLiberator [TL] has stopped pestering GlacialFrost [GF].

GlacialFrost [GF] has responded to Important! memo.

GF: I got through the first gate.

GF: I'm in some other place, now. I'm not sure where,exactly, but my house isn't here and I'm on some sort of snowy beach. There isn't much else except for some penguins that are trying to lead me somewhere.

GF: I think I'll follow them for now.

GlacialFrost [GF] has stopped responding to Important! memo.

Haku followed the penguins that appeared to want to lead him somewhere. They insisted on pulling at his clothes with their beaks, anyway, and they looked friendly.

It was also extremely cute to watch them slide on their bellies in the snow, but they wouldn't get too far away from him because there were also imps. Haku defeated them, though it was getting harder a little. They were bigger, but they also dropped more build grist, which was good. That meant that they could build more stuff, even if he didn't have access to anything to do that with at the moment.

Also, he was getting tired. The sun had set a while ago, and it had been a long and exhausting day. He yawned as he skewered another imp with ice. Yeah, it was time for bed. He made an igloo big enough for him and then penguins before crawling in and settling in the soft snow.

Haku dreamed that he was in a gold city wearing gold pajamas with a crescent moon on the chest. He seemed to be in some sort of tower, and on a bed, which was kind of odd for a dream. Usually he would be in the thick of whatever plot his brain had dreamed up, but this was interesting too. The room had writing on the walls, and upon closer examination, it talked about how much whoever wrote this hated demons. Haku frowned, because it vaguely resembled his own handwriting.

There was nothing else to note about the room, so he looked out the window at the city. It was very large, and very shiny. Raito would have loved it, there was bound to be a ton of treasure here, but he wasn't concerned about the treasure.

He was a little more perplexed about it being gothic in design. Even the roofs of the houses were steep with sharp looking needles jutting from them. For looking so bright, pleasant, and golden the designs were intimidating. It was enough to make Haku curious, and he wanted to explore. Upon looking around the room, he saw a door and opened it. A long staircase wound down to the ground, hopefully.

Haku was certainly about to find out. He slid down the banister, but even then, it took quite a long time for him to reach the bottom.

It wasn't the ground. There was another staircase that led even further down, but there was a pad that looked like the same one that was on the alechmizer. He stepped on it to see if the patterns were the same, but instead he suddenly found himself not in that room. This room had a door that would hopefully lead out. He opened it and was greeted by a face full of sunshine and a whole bunch of people.

But they didn't really look all that much like people. They were completely pale, paler than Shihizuki, about the same shade as fresh printer paper. They were light colors, blues and pinks and yellows, and their faces were almost completely round.

Haku wasn't entirely sure what to think, this was one of the weirdest dreams he had ever had, but it felt real at the same time. One of them, this one looked a little different from the rest, spotted him and walked up to him with a sense of purpose. It tugged on his sleeve and pointed at something that was probably in the distance, since Haku couldn't see anything of note.

When Haku didn't make any move to go in the direction it was pointing, it gently tugged on his sleeve again and started walking. Having nothing better to do, Haku followed it.

They stared at him while he walked through the city. Every one of the dream people Haku passed stopped what they were doing and simply stared at him, until they reached a great, golden castle. Guards stood at the front, blocking the door, but moved to the side when they saw Haku and the dream person he was with. He was led further into the castle, which was every bit as golden and gaudy on the inside as it was on the outside.

Eventually, they came to what Haku assumed to be the throne room. Both thrones, which were set on a dais, were occupied, one by what was quite clearly a woman and the other one that was a man. His escort bowed and left the room, closing the great doors behind him.

"Welcome, Haku," the woman said. She had peacock frills on the top of her hair and sharp looking teeth as well as two whip-like tails that lay around her feet. A pure white crown was perched on her head. "You may address me as the White Queen."

"And I am the White King," the man said. He looked just like her, only a man. "You must have a few questions, but let us first explain. You are on a planet called Prospit, the opposite of Derse, and one of the two moons of Skaia. We are the only leaders on Prospit, and we are preparing for war with Derse. You and your friends were sent to help us win this war, and without you, we can not win."

"But before you can be of any use to us, you and your friends need to get stronger," the queen told him. "You will need to defeat your denizens, and come here while you are awake. When the black king and queen are defeated, you will have won the game and have created a new universe to rule."

Haku frowned. "We can't rule a universe."

"You don't have to take your ultimate prize," the king told him. "But you will be stuck in the Veil until someone rescues you."

"The veil?"

"The ring of meteors that will eventually destroy your home world. You will be sent to one of the meteors where you will remain until you find means of escape."

"Is there any way that we can return to our home world?" Haku asked.

"No, not that any of us can see, it isn't your destiny."

"Shihizuki's going to love that," Haku said jokingly. "But thank you for telling me all of this, I'm sure the others will appreciate it as well."

"You're welcome," the queen said.

"What do you want?" Clare asked grumpily, opening her door. Her parents were going to be pissed if she had someone randomly show up in the middle of the night, and she had been sleeping.

"We need to stay with you for a while. Our house got destroyed," Yosuke said.

Clare blinked as she realized that there was a burnt smell coming from the two of them and both looked a little worse for wear. She also noticed that Ren was holding a laptop and was clutching it like his life depended on it or something.

"What happened?" she asked, stepping outside and closing the door behind her. She glared at Ren. "It was either you or Shihizuki, wasn't it?" she demanded.

"No, actually," Yosuke said. "It's the game you sent us. Show her, Ren."

Ren flipped around the computer, which showed Shihizuki fighting off some imp creatures. "Raito and Haku and Sasuke are in there too, Raito's friend said that we needed to finish some sort of circle, but we haven't gone in yet because someone needs to be in charge."

"And we're sticking together on this one," Yosuke added.

"Let me get this straight, some game burnt down your house and Sasuke, Haku, Raito, and Shihizuki are in there and letting _you_ boss them around? I'm not stupid, Ren, and this isn't funny."

"That's because we aren't joking," Yosuke told her. "We're being completely serious right now."

Clare studied Yosuke, who she hadn't thought would help Ren and Shihizuki try to trick her anyway, and sighed.

"Alright, fine, come in."

"Thank you," Ren said in an exasperated tone. He plugged the laptop in using a cord he had grabbed before they had left and sat down on her couch.

"You guys aren't trying to trick me, are you? Really?" Clare asked Yosuke in a whisper. If she was going to get straight answers from anyone, it would be him.

He shook his head. "Unfortunately, no."

NormalTwin [NT] has responded to Important! memo.

NT: Meteors just destroyed mine and Yosuke's house, don't through the gates.

CG: THAT IS THE MOST SHITTY ADVICE I HAVE EVER HEARD. OF COURSE YOU NEED TO GO THROUGH THE GATES. METEORS ARE GOING TO CONTINUE PELTING YOUR PLANET LIKE RAIN REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU DO.

CG: IF YOU'RE STILL ON EARTH, YOU BETTER BE PULLING OUT SOME FUCKING UMBRELLAS, BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO GET WET.

NT: Are you being serious right now? Our planet is going to die regardless of what we do?

CG: YES. THAT'S THE WAY THIS GAME WORKS. YOU'RE PLANET GETS DESTROYED, THAT'S JUST WHAT HAPPENS.

NT: Fuck.

Ren pulled at his hair, this wasn't good.

NT: Is there any way around this?

NT: At all?

CG: NOT AS FAR AS I KNOW.

"Fuck."

CG: BUT BEFORE YOU RUN AWAY LIKE A WUSS, YOU NEED TO PUT A COPY OF SGRUB BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT. EXACTLY WHERE YOU FOUND IT.

NT: Why?

CG: BECAUSE IT SETS UP A STABLE TIMELINE.

CG: NOW DO IT.

NT: Yes, sir, bossy britches.

NormalTwin [NT] has stopped responding to Important! memo.

"Something wrong, Ren?" Yosuke asked. He had thought they would be staying with Clare overnight, but his friend was already heading for the door.

"You still have a copy of Sburb, yeah?"

"Yeah, I still have the flash drive."

"I need you to put it on two different CDs, and then install the first one on your computer."

"I thought we were staying here," he said, frowning.

"Just talked to Raito's friend, he said that the meteors are going to destroy the planet and we need to put the CDs back where Clare found them before that happens. Something about creating a stable timeline, but we need to hurry. Clare, you have a laptop, yeah?"

"Of course, but I don't see..."

"Grab it, and an extra, if you have one. Yosuke wasn't able to grab his before we left, he was using his desktop."

"Ok," she said, but she didn't look particularly happy about it. "Are you sure we need to go right now and that this can't wait until morning?" she yawned. She handed a laptop to Yosuke. Nobody bothered to ask why she had two.

"Better safe than sorry," Ren said for the first time in his life. He opened the door and held it open for them, then got in the back seat. Yosuke was driving, and Clare was going to give instructions.

She led them to the middle of nowhere, and stepped on a rock. She yawned again as the ground shifted and stairs appeared in the sand.

"Someone has to wait out here so you can be left back out again," she said.

"I'll do it," Yosuke said. He opened the laptop and plugged in the flash drive.

"What were you doing in here, anyway?" Ren asked. Clare put the CDs on a pedestal.

"My boyfriend likes treasure hunting," she explained. "He thought this might be fun. Alright, Yosuke."

The stairs appeared again.

"I contacted Sasuke and told him to install the second disk, which I sent to him in an email. He should be done downloading it any minute now."

Ren nodded and picked up Clare's laptop, which she had left with Yosuke. He typed a few things in and handed it to her. There were two tabs open.

"Read the FAQ first," he told her. "And then you can read the Important! memo, ok?"

"Why?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"Because I don't feel like explaining everything right now," Ren told her. "Just read it, alright?"

"I don't see why this can't wait until morning," she grumbled. "And I don't want to read through a bunch of stuff, can't you just explain it to me?"

"No, because I've got other things to do right now," he told her.

"Like?"

"Like making sure Shihizuki makes it through the next gate ok."

"Can't you tell me about it after?" she whined. "I am really, really not in the mood."

"Don't worry about it, Ren. I'll walk her through it when she gets there. By the way, Raito just finished climbing up to her gate and she's going to go through it."

Ren nodded, this was, apparently, good. At least, it was if Raito's friend was to be believed.

They really needed to figure out that guy's name. Ren was actually getting annoyed by the lack of knowledge. He opened a new chat window.

NormalTwin [NT] has begun pestering CarcinoGeneticist [CG]

NT: What's your name?

NT: Your real name, anyway.

NT: It's kind of bugging me that we don't know it and we always have to refer to you as "Raito's friend"

CG: MY NAME IS KARKAT.

NT:...

NT: Karkat? Like... a car and a cat stuck together?

NT: Ok, I can see why you wouldn't want to tell us.

CG: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY NAME!

CG: WHAT KIND OF NAME IS "REN" ANYWAY?

CG: IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING I'D PEEL OFF THE BOTTOM OF MY SHOE.

CG: YES, YOU ARE THE ANNOYING GUM ON THE BOTTOM OF MY SHOE.

NT: Alright.

NT: Kitten :3

NT: But don't worry, your secret is safe with me.

NT: Kind of.

NormalTwin [NT] has stopped pestering CarcinoGeneticist [CG]

CarcinoGeneticist [CG] has begun trolling NormalTwin [NT]

CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, KIND OF?

NT: Well, I reserve the right to blackmail you, and that's only effective if I have something to threaten you with, so I can't exactly promise to keep it to myself.

NT: Besides, it's something to bribe Shihizuki with.

NT: And I get the feeling that calling you "kitten" will piss you off.

CG: DO. NOT. CALL. ME. THAT.

NT: Alright. Me-ow. :3

CG: GAH! YOU HUMANS ARE SO STUPIDLY INFURIATING!

CG: DO NOT MAKE KITTEN REFERENCES AT MY EXPENSE!

NT: Alright.

NT: Jeez, you're such a motormouth.

CG: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

NT: I'm not sure that I do.

"Yosuke, he's smirking. Make him stop."

"I'm teasing Raito's friend, and he deserves it."

"Which means you're harassing him for no reason," Clare muttered tiredly. "Stop it."

CG: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU MUST BE THE DUMBEST HUMAN TO EVER WALK THE PLANET.

NT: You keep calling us humans.

NT: What are those, exactly?

CG: I'M NOT EXPLAINING IT. YOU PROBABLY COULDN'T GRASP THE CONCEPT, ANYWAY.

NT: You continue to call us that, but you've yet to blow us away with your astounding intelligence.

CG: WELL PREPARE TO BE BLOWN! I WILL BLOW YOU SO FAR WITH MY BRILLIANCE, YOU WON'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE.

CG: THOUGH THAT COULD BE OWED TO YOUR INFERIOR THINK PAN.

NT:...

NT:...

Even in the dim light coming from the computer, Ren's blush was visible. The fact that his skin was extremely pale did nothing to hide the purple that became visible on his skin. Clare waved a hand in front of his face.

"I think he's broken," she said in an awed voice. "Who is this person? And can we keep them?"

"I think that's the last thing you'd want to do," Yosuke said. "REN!"

"I'm sorry, I'm kind of, um, in shock."

CG: I CAN SEE THAT ALREADY YOU ARE RENDERED SPEECHLESS BY MY DISPLAY OF BRILLIANCE.

NT: No... it's not that. Um...

NT: How do I put this?

NT: Oh yeah. NEVER TALK LIKE THAT AGAIN!

NT: God, I may never get that mental image out of my brain...

NT: ((shudder))

NormalTwin [NT] has stopped pestering CarcinoGeneticist [CG]

Ren made a disgusted noise and gave full body shiver. "Ew..."

"What'd he say?" Yosuke asked. He was genuinely both curious and concerned, it took a lot to gross out Ren like that.

"I don't want to talk about it," Ren said, and shuddered again.

DesertedTechnology [DT] has begun pestering CarcinoGeneticist [CG]

DT: What did you say to Ren?

CG: I ONLY SAID THAT I WAS GOING TO BLOW HIM AWAY WITH MY BRILLIANCE.

DT: Huh.

DT: I don't see... _oh_.

DT: How exactly did you, um, phrase that?

DT: Verbatim, if you would.

CG:CG: I CAN SEE THAT ALREADY YOU ARE RENDERED SPEECHLESS BY MY DISPLAY OF BRILLIANCE.

DT: No, it must have been before that.

CG: CG: WELL PREPARE TO BE BLOWN! I WILL BLOW YOU SO FAR WITH MY BRILLIANCE, YOU WON'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE.

CG:CG: THOUGH THAT COULD BE OWED TO YOUR INFERIOR THINK PAN.

CG: YOUR SPECIES RUNS AWAY FROM EVERYTHING LIKE A BUNCH OF LITTLE GIRLS.

DT: Yeah, that's, um, not really why he stopped talking to you...

DT: Are you familiar with the term innuendo?

CG: YES. OF COURSE I AM.

"John, what's innuendo?" Karkat asked.

"Are you even fucking kidding me right now? This has irony written all over it."

Dave rolled his chair to Karkat's computer and skimmed the conversation. "Wow. You really are fucking clueless."

"Are you going to explain it to me or not?" Karkat growled.

"You implied that you wanted to have sex with him, her, it, whatever," Dave told him. "Well, not exactly, but close enough."

Karkat's face turned a furious shade of red.

"Oh."

CG: AND I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!

CG: EW! NEVER! GROSS!

DT: You might want to explain that to Ren.

DT: After he's recovered. I think he might be a permanent shade of violet.

DesertedTechnology [DT] has stopped pestering CarcinoGeneticist [CG]

"Ren, it's ok, he didn't mean it."

"No it's not, and I shall have my revenge. In the mean time, we are not on speaking terms."

"Of course not," Yosuke sighed. "Anyway, how are we going to do this? Am I going to try and take the car?"

"Put it in your sylladex, write down the code, and then give us the car back. We still need to get back to Clare's house and I still need to get back to ours. You can always make a new one when Sasuke deploys the achemiter and stuff."

"What?" Clare asked.

"Read the FAQ and you'll know," Ren told her, and then looked at Yosuke. "You might also want to try combining it with your laptop, and I'll see if I can find that jet pack because those stupid gates are such a pain to get to."

"Give me the code for guns, too, while you're at it. I'm going to totally trick this thing out."

He patted the car, and then put it in his sylladex. Clare looked beyond confused while he typed something into his computer. Then he got the car back out and Ren got in.

"Good luck," Yosuke said.

"Don't worry about me, I'm not the one who's got Sasuke in charge of my environment. Clare, you coming?"

"Wait, so we're just going to leave Yosuke here?"

"Unless you want to walk, yes."

"I'll be fine, Clare," Yosuke said with a reassuring smile.

"If you're sure," she replied, and got into the car. She curled up in the passenger seat, hugging her knees to her chest. She was tired, and this was confusing. "Ok, Ren, what's going on?"

"That game you sent us is evil, I told you. It's going to bring about the end of the world if we don't do something about it."

"It wasn't funny the first two times, and it's not funny now, Ren."

"That's because it's the truth! I don't know how many times I have to say it!"

"Fine, you don't have to snap at me," she muttered.

"Check my laptop, yeah?"

Clare sighed, then picked it up off of Ren's lap and opened it up.

"Haku posted in the memo labeled important."

"Read it to me."

"Jeez, you're being bossy."

"Sorry, but it might be important."

GlacialFrost [GF] has responded to Important! memo.

GF: Good morning.

GF: Some, uh, interesting things happened last night.

GF: Like, more interesting than the things that have been happening recently.

GF: I went to sleep last night, and I was suddenly in this...golden city, but it wasn't a dream. It was really weird. but I met the white king and queen.

GF: They said that we have to go through seven gates in order to defeat our denizens, which are like the bosses of our worlds, and then we have to help them defeat the black queen and king.

GF: They also said that no matter what we do, home is going to be destroyed, but if we succeed in defeating the black king and queen, we'll create a new universe, but we'll have to rule it like gods, or we'll be sent to a place called the veil, where we'll have to wait until someone rescues us.

Death'sEyes [DE] has responded to Important! memo.

DE: Are you sure that this wasn't a dream?

CarcinoGeneticist [CG] has responded to Important! memo.

CG: IT WASN'T.

CG: I MEAN IT KIND OF WAS, BUT EVEN WHEN YOU'RE ON PROSPIT, YOUR DREAM SELF CAN STILL DIE.

CG: BUT WHAT HE SAYS IS TRUE.

TreasureLiberator [TL] has responded to Important! memo.

TL: Did you just get through an entire post without insulting us once?

TL: I'm impressed.

CG: SHUT UP.

CG: I CAN START INSULTING YOU AGAIN IF YOU WANT.

CG: I'M THE MASTER OF INSULTING PEOPLE.

CG: YOUR SELF ESTEEM?

CG: YEAH. GET READY TO HAVE IT DESTROYED. YOU WON'T EVEN REMEMBER HAVING IT, IT'LL BE SO DECIMATED.

TL: And feel free to do that to Shihizuki later, I'm sure he could stand to be taken down a few notches.

DE: Look who's talking.

GF: Um, guys? Can we do this later?

TL: Is there really anything to discuss? I mean, this is news and all, but I'd think that it's pretty obvious what we have to do, cause I'm up for some denizen killing.

DE: Or we could just stay... wherever the heck we are. We don't have to get involved.

CG: IS YOUR SPECIES COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF LISTENING?

CG: OF COURSE YOU HAVE TO DO DEFEAT THE BLACK KING AND QUEEN.

DE: Or?

CG: OR WHAT? THAT'S YOU ONLY CHOICE. I COMMAND IT.

DE: ((rolls eyes)) Well that makes all the difference.

CG: THAT'S RIGHT IT DOES. SO STOP WASTING TIME, AND GET TO YOUR NEXT GATE.

TL: He was being sarcastic. We don't really actually care what you're commanding us to do, you can't enforce it.

DE: Why do you want us to defeat the black king and queen, anyway? You keep insulting us, and yet, you're still trying to "help" us.

CG: I THOUGHT WE HAD BEEN OVER THIS. I'M RAITO'S HATE FRIEND.

TL: I'm sorry, what?

CG: DON'T TELL ME THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS DON'T HAVE THOSE.

CG: BECAUSE I'VE SEEN IT.

CG: I KNOW YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT SO DON'T PLAY STUPID.

CG: IT'S ANNOYING.

TL: So... something bad is going to happen to us if we don't defeat the black king and queen?

CG: I DON'T KNOW. WE NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT.

DE: Then why is it so important that we do that?

GF: Wait a minute, I'm still confused. Hate friend?

TL: I think he means something like Ren and Shihizuki's relationship.

TL: Right?

TL: Only not forced.

CG: YES.

CG: FINALLY, ANOTHER SPECIES THAT GETS IT.

GF: Ok, I think I get it now. It's kind of weird, but if it works...

DE: So are we going to try and help the white king and queen or not?

TL: I'd like to, it sounds adventurous.

GF: I think we should get everyone involved in on this conversation if we're going to decide right now.

LighteningNinja [LN] has responded to Important! memo.

LN: Are we going to be reunited if we do this?

DE: I never thought I would hear you ask something like that.

LN: Just because I don't normally like dealing with people doesn't mean that I want to live alone for the rest of my life.

CG: YES. ALL OF YOU HAVE TO BE THERE IN ORDER TO DEFEAT THE BLACK KING AND QUEEN.

GF: That suggests that we can all get there without having to defeat the black king and queen.

CG: I GUESS, BUT IT'S A BATTLEFIELD AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WANT TO BE THERE IF THE WHITE KING AND QUEEN ARE DEFEATED.

CG: TRUST ME.

LN: If that's the case, then I'm with Raito on this one.

DE: Of course you are.

LN: Shut up, no one wants your opinion.

GF: That's not true, we need to decide this as a group.

DesertedTechnology [DT] has responded to Important! memo.

DT: I am here, for the record. I'm just a little busy at the moment and it's hard to talk while fighting imps.

DE: When did you get here?

DT: Two minutes ago. Clare and Ren are on their way.

GF: I thought Ren and you were going to stay on Livae?

DT: That was the plan, but then our house got burned down by the meteors, so we decided that we were going to come here instead.

GF: Are you both ok?

DT: Yeah, we're fine. A little burned, but fine.

DT: We also got the copy of... Sgrub? back where we found it.

CG: THAT'S GOOD. NOW YOU ONLY HAVE TO DEFEAT YOUR DENIZENS, CREATE THE PARADOX CLONES, AND DEFEAT THE BLACK KING AND QUEEN.

TL: Wait a minute, no one ever said anything about paradox clones.

CG: IT'S ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT JUST HAPPENS WHEN YOU PLAY THE GAME. YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT, JUST MAKE THEM WHEN YOU GET THE CHANCE.

DE: Anyway, defeating the black king and queen, yes or no?

DT: Um...sure?

GF: Now we just need to get a hold of Ren and Clare.

DT: Good luck with that, Ren declared last night that he and CG are no longer on speaking terms.

DE: What happened?

CG: YOU'RE SPECIES IS INSUFFERABLE! AND HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT!

CG: SO STUPID!

CG: TELL HIM THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

CG: AT ALL.

CG: EVER.

CG: EW.

DT: I don't know if that'll work, he's sworn revenge.

DE: Now I'm really curious.

CG: DON'T SAY ANYTHING. I WILL KILL YOU.

DE: May I point out that a: he hates us b: we're your friends, and c: he can't get to us because he's somewhere else entirely?

CG: YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!

CG: FOR ALL YOU KNOW I COULD BE ONE OF YOUR DUMB NINJAS, MERELY BIDING MY TIME UNTIL I STRIKE YOU DOWN WITH MY AWESOMENESS!

LN: I'd like to see you try.

TL: We dare you.

DE: I'd say it was nice knowing you, but you're a douche.

CG: ALRIGHT, SO MAYBE I WAS BLUFFING.

CG: BUT STILL.

CG: YOU CAN'T TELL THEM.

DE: Please, Yosuke?

DT: Sorry, but I think Ren might actually try to kill me this time.

DE: Fine, I'll just ask him about it.

DT: Later, he's trying to get Clare set up right now. Or at least, he's supposed to be, but still.

DE: I can be patient. We can ask him when he gets to this memo thing later.

CG: ((HEADDESK))

KC: What. The. Fuck?

LN: It doesn't make sense, don't expect it to.

GF: Did you read the earlier conversation?

KC: Yes.

KC: Alright, who gave you guys crack?

CG: WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?

CarcinoGeneticist [CG] has been blocked for Important! memo by TreasureLiberator [TL]

TL: You can meet him later.

TL: But I've got to go, I think I might have found a bigger imp thing that might actually kind of be a challenge.

LN: You're just now getting out of the first tiny little imps?

LN: Weak.

TL: I'm not! When I say imp, I mean all of the things with the stupid peacock feathers! But I really do have to go now. I'll be back in a minute.

TreasureLiberator [TL] has stopped responding to Important! memo.

KC: -_-;

DE: Clare, helping the white king and queen, yes or no?

KC: Um, what?

DT: You didn't read the rest of this memo, did you?

KC: I skimmed it, sorta.

DE: ((Facepalm))

DE: You need to read this, it's important.

DE: Didn't Ren tell you that?

KC: It's just that this is a lot...

KC: Can't you guys just explain it to me?

DE: Clare, just read the memo.

GF: ((Frowns at Shihizuki)) If we help the white king and queen you'll have to do a lot of fighting, but at the end we'll be able to see each other again, and if we don't, we'll be stuck where we are but you won't have to worry about defeating the denizens.

KC: Denizens?

GF: A really powerful monster thing.

KC: That sounds ok.

GF: You won't have help.

KC: Oh. Um... I guess?

DE: I'm in too, and I'm assuming that Haku's going to do it because Raito is, so that just leaves Ren and Yosuke.

DT: The two of us are in.

DE: Then I'll see you all on Skaia.

Death'sEyes [DE] has stopped responding to Important! memo.

DesertedTechnology [DT] has stopped responding to Important! memo.

LighteningNinja [LN] has stopped responding to Important! memo.

KC: Wait a minute! What's going on?

GF: I'm sorry, Clare, but I don't have time to explain right now. We've got a lot of work to do and not a lot of time to do it in if we want to get to Skaia in time for the battle.

GlacialFrost [GF] has stopped responding to Important! memo.

KC: Fine, I'll read the memo...

/AN

So... yeah. That's a lot of chatting, but I hope it's not too much... And this chapter probably could have been divided up, but I'm kind of lazy and this was another of those projects that I was never really intending to post, so... yeah. Additionally, I realize that I need to find Karkat's voice, but I just don't have that talent for random imagery, so it's kind of difficult and it might be a while before I get it right. If I ever do.


	2. Chapter 2

"Stupid, stupid, stupid, already seen that episode..."

You flick through the channels, already knowing that the t.v. isn't going to entertain you. You don't know why you still watch it, as a matter of fact. Other than to make fun of it, of course.

"Hobbes, cut that out and help me find some freaking food in this fucking kitchen," your housemate grumbles at you.

You ignore him. He can find his own food, you know there was some in there last time you checked. He's just not looking hard enough.

Instead, you settle on a t.v. show that you actually settle on quite frequently. It's called Twenty Minutes to Live and it's got to be the most melodramatic thing you have ever seen, which is saying something.

"HOBBES!"

"Yes?" you ask, moving to the doorway in that sneaky way of yours. Or maybe you're not that sneaky and your housemate is just jumpy, you're not sure.

Predictably, he jumps, and you give yourself a few bonus points in your assholery meter when he hits his head on the open door of the cabinet. You'd think you'd have topped it out already, but you just keep finding ways to outdo yourself.

"Where's the food?" he asks.

"In the kitchen, idiot," you tell him. He frowns.

"Hobbes."

You sigh. That's the tone that he uses to tell you that you're either going to do what he wants, or he's going to throw a hissy fit. Again.

The first time it was funny. Now it's just kind of annoying, because every time he does that he manages to destroy your t.v. and you have to get a new one, which means that you're going to have to find a way to get more money.

The entire thing is just too much work for too few assholery points.

But you just can't resist adding a few when you go directly to the cabinet that holds food and open it, making him look like an idiot. You keep track for this exact reason.

"Thanks, Hobbes," he says sourly.

You choose not to answer.

ALL RIGHT, JUST WHO IS THIS ASS HOLE?

Why we're glad you asked.

Your name is Hobbes McLyntyre. Exactly 2 weeks ago today was your 14th birthday. You like to watch BAD TV SHOWS, but not because YOU LIKE THEM. You merely like to make CYNICAL COMMENTS on them. You are kind of a cynical asshole, and don't like it when people are bigger assholes than you. You don't like being surpassed so easily. You also CANNOT SNAP YOUR FINGERS, but you have ACCEPTED THAT FLAW AND MOVED ON. Your screen name is boredCommentator, and as a typing quirk you swap cases sometimes, but ONLY WHEN YOU'RE PISSED. otherwise, you use all lowercase. What will you do?  
>HOBBES: scream like a banshee and vomit all over tv<br>No, thank you, you think. But whoever asked can be your guest.

What's this? Your computer is making noises at you, telling you that someone is trying to talk to you. For a minute you aren't sure whether you're curious enough to see who it is, or be a jerk and make them wait for a good fifteen minutes.

It turns out that no one is waiting for you to reply, they just sent you an email. It's labeled Hey Asshole! And it's sent by . You've never heard of that person before, and you open it.

To: .com

From:

Since you wouldn't download the program like I asked you, I had Sollux convert it into a virus. You just downloaded it, asshole. In order to get rid of it, you're going to need to pass it on to someone else.

Fuck! You should have known this was going to happen, and your assholery meter just slipped. A lot. You bang your head on the desk. This is so not cool.

But first, you need to see how much damage this virus has done to your computer. You minimize your email, and the screen behind it says that there are no client's available. You try to minimize this window, but it doesn't work. All you get is a box saying "error."

Alright, then, you try acessing another program with control escape. Your start menu comes up, and you start selecting programs to see which ones will work.

Only your chat program will work. Well, at least that's something.

BoredCommentator[BC] has begun pestering ScratchSleuth[SS].

BC: my computer got a virus. you can help me, yeah?

SS: I doN'T sEE wHY I SHouLD.

SS: YoU'Re A diCK.

BC:yes, but we're also sort of friends.

SS: We ARe?

BC: yes, we are.

SS: FiNE. TrY...

An hour later, the computer was still in the same condition that it had been before. You had even tried replacing the operating system, only to find that you can't open the disk drive. It was beyond annoying.

BC: the disk drive won't open.

SS: Send ME a coPY of THe VIruS if yOU CAn. I'Ll tAKe a CRacK aT It frOM heRE.

You forward the email. It was a good thing you never closed that window. While you wait for her to do whatever it is that she does with programs like these, you decide to poke around this Skurb program. It looks kind of interesting, but also kind of dumb. Definitely not something you would waste your time with.

SS: CrAP, I thINk I acCIdenTAllY InSTalLEd iT On mY CoMPuTEr.

Something on your computer pings, and you see something that looks like video feed open up. There's a girl sitting at her computer, and she's frowning. You wonder what the fuck is going on now.

SS: I'M GoiNG to FIguRE tHIs tHIng OUt, aND I'Ll cONtaCT yoU AgaIN wHEn I gET thIS shIT SOlvED.

ScratchSleuth [SS] has stopped pestering BoredCommentator [CB]

This is complete and total bullshit, and you're going to give that bitch who sent you the program a piece of your mind.

BoredCommentator [BC] has begun pestering ArachnidsGrip [AG]

BC: wHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY COMPUTER!

AG: I see you downloaded the program.

BC: yOU BROKE MY COMPUTER! aND i DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX IT! tELL ME HOW, RIGHT NOW!

AG: Don't get your panties in a 8unch, I know what I'm doing. You pro8a8ly didn't need it that much anyway.

BC: tHAT'S RIGHT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING! yOU'RE REMOVING THE VIRUS!

AG: Well, I would...

AG: 8ut I don't know how.

AG: Sorry.

BC: bULLSHIT.

AG: No, really. Like I told you, I didn't write the virus.

BC: gET YOUR FRIEND TO FIX IT, THEN.

AG: He's not talking to me at the moment. 8ut seriously, all you need to do is pass it on to someone else. He told me that would fix everything.

BC: i TRIED THAT. iT DIDN'T FIX ANYTHING!

AG: ):

AG: It should have... I told him to 8uild that in, may8e he screwed up? I'm really sorry.

You are beyond livid by this point. They don't have a word for how positively enraged you are.

"Hobbes?"

"What?" you snap at your roommate. He holds his hands up defensively.

"Just wanted to know if you wanted something to eat."

"I'll have some in a minute," you grumble.

"Someone being a bigger asshole than you?" he asks, taking a seat on the couch.

"They put a virus on my computer."

"That sucks. Good luck getting that fixed," he says before flipping on the tv.

BC: yeah right.

BC: but i've got a friend working on it right now, so maybe she'll fix it.

BoredCommentator [BC] has stopped pestering ArachnidsGrip [AG]

You drum your fingers on the desk before getting up and grabbing some of that food your roommate was talking about. SS still hasn't gotten back to you yet, so you decide to look through the program a little just because you're bored, your roommate is using the tv, and you don't want to go too far in case SS _does _decide to get back to you.

Whatever this game is, it's weird. The girl on the computer hasn't moved, but she jumps up when you move her bookcase and start rearranging her room. You then start putting random stuff that was in another menu in that space, wondering what the girl was programmed to do with it. You can't make heads or tails of what it might be for.

BE THE OTHER GIRL.

Your name is LILAC ALTAIR. Today, on the 15th of April, is your fourteenth BIRTHDAY. You have a love for BOOKS, especially of the PROGRAMMING type. You also like CANDY, mostly of the sour and green variety. You have a passion for COFFEE, and long, arduous conversations with the silly aliens known as TROLLS. You find your cohorts to be STUPID. Which they are. You have a large COLLECTION of ROMANTIC COMEDIES, which you often blame your blood and eye color on your ECTOBIOLOGIST FRIEND. You tend not to SLEEP, or the NIGHT-TERRORS might get you. Your SCREEN NAME is ScratchSleuth, and you type like SeRIoUS BUsIneSS, although with a WhIMsiCAl touch . You DONOT appreciate SHENANIGANS, TOM FOOLERY, FAFFING ABOUT, DICKING AROUND, OR TYPICAL IDIOTICY. Although you CAN AND WILL involve yourself in SILLY BANTERS AND RANTS, or the occasional HILARIOUS ANTICS. No one said you weren't a hypocrite.

LILAC: Foam at the mouth and run around in circles until we tell you to stop.

Do I look like an idiot to you? I don't have time for this tomfoolery.

Intead, you examine one of the many weird things that has appeared in your room. Your computer can wait a few minutes. There are all sorts of buttons on some of them, but most of them look like they need something else in order to work. So you start messing with the only one that appears to be usuable at this moment, the one with the weird tube thing at the top. There's a wheel on the side, and you decide to turn it.

The top of the cylinder comes open, and something glowy and round comes out. You try to touch it, but it just floats away from your hand. That's weird. There's also a smaller, lavender cylinder that came out of the... whatever it is. This one seems to be made of a different material, though, one that you've never seen before. You wonder what the heck it's supposed to be for.

One of the other machines, perhaps? They all appeared at roughly the same time, so it might not be that much of a stretch to assume that they go together somehow. You examine the other two, one looks like a giant sewing machine, and the other looks like a teleporter from tv. Now that you're really looking at it, there's a spot on the sewing machine one that looks like it would fit the cylinder almost perfectly. You put it there, and wait for it to do something.

It does nothing, but there's some kind of keypad and a slot for some kind of card on it. You don't know what the heck kinds of things you should enter on it, so you decide to pick up the card on the floor and put that in.

You take a step back when the machine begins to hum and carve the cylinder into a pattern that looks absolutely ridiculous to you. When it's finished, you pick it up and examine it.

Absolutely no answers are revealed, and it doesn't even give you your card thing back. Well, it's not like you had an use for it anyway.

Now you just have to figure out what this thing is for. You're guessing the last machine might know what to do with it, so you put it on the smaller platform since that seems the most logical. After it does nothing on its own, which you didn't really think it was going to anyway, you push a button on the panel.

Suddenly, there's a light purple flower pot in the middle of the larger pad. You watch as something the exact same color as the flower pot and cylinder grows, and then blooms into a flower.

That was really strange. You pick it up and look at it, but it just seems to be a purple flower in a purple flower pot. Rather useless, you think. And now you've got a lot less room in your bedroom because of these silly machines. You wonder how your going to possibly get them out of your room.

"Hey, Lilac, there's an episode of Ghost Hunters on and I was wondering... What happened in here? Where'd all of this stuff come from? Because it's kind of neat. What's it do?"

Your roommate is really interested in the paranormal, so it's only natural that she's interested in this stuff.

You hold up the flower pot. "This."

She takes it from you and examines it. "What's it made of?"

"I wouldn't know."

"This is so cool! Did this stuff just appear in your room, or what?"

"Pretty much."

By this point, you've resigned yourself to the fact that your roommate will be examining this stuff for the next few hours. In the mean time, you decide to go get some food because you're hungry. You can take a look at your computer later.

When you come back, the white glowy thing isn't so white anymore. In fact, it looks rather like your mother, who's supposed to be dead. You would know, you still have her ashes because you've been meaning to throw them into a volcano. It's tradition with your culture, the mother always dies around seven years after giving birth and the ashes are always thrown into a volcano by the child.

Then you notice the ashes that are still on the floor, and that Terra looks ashamed. Even an idiot can put two and two together.

"What have you done?" you demand. This tradition is really important to you. If the ashes aren't thrown into a volcano, your mother can't come back to her next life.

"I'm really sorry..."

"Get out." You point at the door. You'll never be able to get all of these ashes out of the carpet, it's impossible. Well, maybe if you can get the vaccum cleaner, you can vaccum it up... but even then. What if your mom is missing part of her brain or something? That would be just awful, you'd never be able to live with yourself.

Terra leaves. You know that you shouldn't really be mad at her because you're sure that it was an accident, but this is your mother. And as you understand it, your mom was really nice compared to what she could have been like.

You've barely got the urn on top of the bookshelf, the very top where there's no possiblity of it getting knocked over unless the whole bookcase comes down, when your computer makes a noise that means someone's trying to contact you. You make sure the urn isn't going to fall one more time before seeing who it is and what they want.

BoredCommentator [BC] has begun pestering ScratchSleuth [SS]

BC: Made any progress with the virus yet?

SS: No, I've been kind of busy.

SS: Something dropped a whole bunch of machine things in my room.

SS: But it turns out that they do next to nothing anyway.

BC: did you happen to make a weird purple flower with those machines?

SS: Yes...

SS: How did you know that?

BC: Because I put them there.

BC: Hang on a minute, I'll be right back.

BoredCommentator BC] has stopped pestering ScratchSleuth [SS]

You can't help but give yourself a few more assholery points for leaving her hanging like that. It's nowhere near the level it was before, you're going to have to be quite the ass to get it back up, but it's something.

BoredCommentator [BC] has begun pestering ArachnidsGrip [AG]

BC: What is that program you sent me, exactly?

AG: You mean the one in the virus?

BC: No. The other one.

BC: Yes, of course the one in the virus.

AG: Well which one is it? You can't have it both ways.

BC: You know exactly which one I mean.

AG: Do I?

She always, without fail, pisses you off.

BC: Are you an idiot?

AG: Touche.

AG: It's called Sgrub. There's a walkthrough online. Look it up.

ArachnidsGrip [AG] has stopped trolling BoredCommentator [BC]

You would, but she's broken your internet browser, and you'd have SS do it, but her computer probably can't do it either. You'll have to have someone else copy and paste it into a chat box for you. Or maybe you can get SS to get someone to do it for you, since she'll probably have more luck with that.


End file.
